Put Down the Script and Step into YOUR Power
Taking responsibility for and tending to our inner state is the source of freedom. - Melanie McGhee
Recently, I contemplated this principle of Acceptance and Integration Training (AAIT) and wanted to share.
What an empowering and defeating statement. Knowing that you are responsible for your inner state and the ability to tend to it and tap into freedom is, to say the least, overwhelming.
Conceptually, this principle of AAIT makes complete sense to most. In practice, it’s a different story.
Here are some of the things that get in the way of tending to my inner state:
People pleasing, fear of others reactions and trying to be ‘nice,’ all of the shoulds, the subtle aggression for self improvement, the illusion of being stuck, the fear of not being enough, the ridiculous but slightly real fear that if the world only knew how fucked up I am that I will die alone and be eaten by my ten cats before my body is found. You know, all thaaaat stuff.
Thank Goddess for AAIT. Otherwise, I would still be swimming in a deep pool of denial under which lied all of the above.
If you are thinking, ‘I’ve never struggled with any of those,’ then you are definitely swimming in the deep pool of denial. Most of these behaviors and beliefs are universal and are entirely unconscious!
For most of my life, they were unconscious to me. I spent most of my time trying to be a ‘nice girl’ who was a joy to be around and was never seen as difficult. For the most part, life was good, but often, I would find myself in uncomfortable situations. For instance, I agreed to go to an out of state, all day conference with a man twice my age who held a position of power in the company for which I was working. He gave me a bad feeling and, guess what, my gut was right. After spending the day ignoring and deflecting his attempts to flirt with me, he put his hand on my leg and tried to grope me on the ride home.
Before I go any further, I do not support victim blaming. This man abused his power. His actions were inappropriate and wrong.
That being said, why did I decide to go with this guy when my intuition told me no? Because my inner state was a mess. I had the script of ‘good girl’ playing in my head when I needed to assess the situation for what it was. At that time, I would have rather hit snooze on my internal warning system than give someone the idea that I was ‘difficult.’ P.S. Asking for what you need to feel safe isn’t being difficult, it’s respectable.
This type of situation happened more than once in my early 20’s, and my internal state was tangled in anger. When I sought out help, I was advised to, ‘step into my power.’ Don’t you love how we can string together words in a really tiny and cute package that upon opening explode with so much meaning?
I didn’t get it right away, but at some point, everything clicked. I realized that despite past situations, I am responsible for my current state and my future choices. I know that I can speak truth to power when it is necessary. I can own my intuition and feelings. I upped my game and slowly untangled from the mess that surrounded me.
Since then, the universe has been ‘helpful.’ Every day I am presented with situations that would have once triggered a compulsive reaction, now I have awareness and space to make better choices. I get to play a higher game!
If you struggle with playing out an old script or keep finding yourself in uncomfortable situations you didn’t ask for, you may be giving away your power. This is a territory I know and have lived. Let me help you step into your power and tend to your inner state.