A Game of Pretend, Anger and Separateness
Winter is a time for shadow work and for me anger has been making it's way to the surface. My anger usually stems from situations when I play pretend with another. This could be pretending like my feelings aren't hurt, pretending to be interested, pretending to enjoy, the list goes on....
Right behind this mask of pretend exists a layer of anger in the form of a righteous should. 'He should know I don't like talking about politics,'or, 'She should know that I am lactose intolerant.'
It's easy to get caught up in this cycle of pretend, anger and separateness when you can just as easily access speaking your truth.
What does speaking your truth look like?
Joe and Isabel are a couple. They spend most of their nights together snuggled up on their couch eating dinner and catching up on Joe's favorite show GOT. Isabel does not like GOT because of the shows violent nature but doesn't complain because she enjoys her time with Joe.
One day, Isabel has a hard day at work, she is an ER nurse. She calls Joe on her way home and tells him about the particularly hard experience she had that day with a patient who had been shot. Joe is kind and offers her words of love and support.
When she gets home Joe is sitting on the couch waiting for her with her favorite dinner ready, veggie stir fry. She smiles but is quickly hit with a wave of anger when she sees GOT cued up in the background. Her mind is swimming in thoughts like, 'Seriously, after the day I had, he should know that I can't handle anymore violence, I deal with it everyday at work, I can't believe him, how can he do this to me!'
She takes a deep breath and centers herself. Like that, she is back in touch with herself, her power and her voice. 'Joe, I had a really hard day today and I think all of the violence in Game of Thrones will only make my heart hurt more. If I am being honest, I really don't like this show. I watch it because I know you like it and I enjoy being close to you and seeing you happy. Can we watch something else tonight?'
Joe, with a look of concern and understanding for his beloved, gets up and gives Isabel a big hug. 'I am sorry you had such a hard day. I never really thought about the violence in this show. Thank you for being honest with me about your feelings. I am grateful that you value our time together so much. Maybe we can find a different show we both enjoy and I can start watching GOT on my own.'
When choosing to play pretend you end up holding on to anger, stuffing it into the pressure cooker inside until the pressure gets too high and all of the crap come up and out.
Instead of stuffing, try sitting with your anger for a moment. Try to find forgiveness, try to find your voice and your power. If the situation has already passed, say what you would have to the wind and remember you have a choice to speak your truth for the next time you find yourself in a game of pretend.
If you struggle with anger and finding your voice I can help you find relief.
My heart is full of appreciation that you have taken time to read this. My heart reaches out to yours bursting with supportive and loving intention, in a good way.